Pages & Paws

Writing, Reading, and Rural Life With a Border Collie


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The DNF Pepto Patrol

Ever dive into a well-anticipated book only to go thud? Like, “Good thing my fall was cushioned by a nice, thick slab of granite or I might’ve been seriously injured”? How ‘bout trying so hard to really, really like a story only to wind up reaching for the nearest bottle of Pepto?

Well. Books are supposed to be enjoyable and engaging, capcihe? So if ya gotta force yourself to read a book, that kind of defeats the whole purpose, right?

Not Our Cuppa

We could not force ourselves to finish the titles below. Kindly note that some aren’t necessarily lousy books (although some are really lousy. We’ll get to that in a min.). They’re just not our cuppa, okay? Usually cuz they moved with the speed of a growing redwood, numbed our brain into a dopamine stupor, or could’ve doubled as a bunch of arugula.

Drum roll please… for our list of nominees for the DNF Pepto Patrol. In no particular order:

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‘Daughters of Teutobod’: Hold the Braunschweiger

See the source imageDaughters of Teutobod

By Kurt Hansen

Kimber: You know that feeling you get when you order a nice, thick filet mignon and wind up with an under-cooked burger instead? That’s how we felt reading this book. I’ll let Her Grumpiness explain. But I’d buckle up ‘fize you. Cuz she’s on a roll today. And I don’t mean burger bun. Take it away, Mom!

Her Grumpiness: We received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review as part of a blog tour. Then we read it. And bowed out of the tour. Why? Simple. Blog tour coordinators typically want a glowing review on the order of the Parting of the Red Sea or the Greatest Thing Since Sliced Burger Buns.

Newsflash, Buttercup: We don’t do that here.

We bowed out of the tour so we could post an Honest Review instead. We’re just funny that way.

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‘Chasing Tarzan’ Swings Thru Jungle of Emotions

Chasing Tarzan

By Catherine Forster

Published by: E.L. Marker, an imprint of WiDo Publishing, 2022

Genre: Non-Fiction/Memoir

Pages: 276

Via: Book Blog Tour

Note: We received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

***

Johnny Weissmuller. That’s the first thing that popped into Mom’s head when we received the blog tour invitation for this book.

“I dunno, Kimmi…” says Mom.

“Oh, c’mon Mom!” chirps I, Kimber the Magnificent. “Think Tarzan! You know. Swinging through the jungle on high-flying vines. Swimming through croc-infested waters. Rampaging pachyderms. Voracious lions. Deadly pestilence and dastardly villains. It’ll be fun!”

Little did we know…

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Discover Rich Historical Fiction in ‘The River Remembers’

The River Remembers

By Linda Ulleseit

Published by: She Writes Press (Available June 2023)

Genre: Historical Fiction

Pages: 332

Note: We received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

“The tears of nations run in the river, and the river remembers.”

Kimber: So, can we just cut to the chase here and recommend plopping down with this book and a hot cuppa – or maybe a nice rib eye steak? Huh? Huh? Can we? Can we?

Mom: Hang on a min, Kimmi! Let’s get to the review first.

Kimber: Here a min, there a min, everywhere a min, min…

Wait. Where were we? Oh yeah. The Michigan Territory. 1830s-ish. Three women. Three backgrounds, cultures, and stories. All yearn for freedom:

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4 Fines & Flubs for Fall

So there I was. Snoozing in the sunshine. Minding my own business. (It’s tough being Beautiful and Brilliant. But someone’s gotta do it.) Then She Who Must be Obeyed (sort of) skips in with, “Hey Kimmi! I’ve got a great idea!”

Another one?! Insert eye roll here.

“You know those last four books we read?” asks Her Momness, all bright-eyed and chipper. “Two were great. Two were like, Gag me with arugula.”

Yeah. I remember. I was there. (For the reading part. Not the arugula-gagging part.)

Continues Mom: “Instead of doing separate posts on each book, how ’bout we roll ’em all into one post? We can call it 4 Fines & Flubs for Fall! Whaddya think?”

 Don’t say I didn’t warn you, okay? I hate arugula.

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Children’s Fantasy With Something Extra

One of my baby pictures.

Kimber here. Reminding you that one of us has long maintained that some of the best writing in all literature is children’s literature. Not sure what that means. Methinks it may have something to do with puppies. But if Mom likes it, so do I!

And lemme tell ya, she really liked a “Juvenile Fiction” book she recently read. Totally out of the blue. Never heard of the book or the author before. They just kinda jumped off a shelf at the library right into her book bag. Ya know how that happens sometimes, right? Well. What a find!

I’ll let Her Momness tell you more:

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‘Mr. Magenta’ Colors Outside the Lines

Mr MagentaMr. Magenta

By Christopher  Bowden

Langton & Wood, 2022

Genre: Fiction/Mystery

Pages: 174

Via: Book Blog Tour

Note: We received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

“It was almost as if she (Aunt Flora) had laid a trail of apparently random clues to draw him in and maintain their relationship beyond the grave. When would she let him go?”

Torn-up photos of headless men. A hidden book with a cryptic inscription. A painting of an east coast town. References to a “Mr. Magenta.” All factor into this cozy blend of mystery, history, theatre, and family, with a touch of romance. 

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Outdoor Memoir Delights in ‘Trip Tales’

Trip Tales:

From Family Camping to Life as a Ranger

By: Rosanne S. McHenry

Published by: Huntley Avenue Press, 2021

Genre: Non-Fiction – Memoir/Outdoor Recreation/Wilderness Areas/Hiking/Anecdotes/Women park ranger/Humor.

Pages: 274, with Index.

Kimber: Psssst! Can you zip your lip, bub? Good. Cuz I’m gonna let you in on a little secret today: One of us has always wanted to be a park ranger.

That’s probably cuz her dad was a seasonal park ranger at Mount Rainer National Park in Washington state when she was a young’un. You know. Shortly after the earth’s crust cooled. Aka: Older than dirt. (Hi, Mom.)

So when Her Momness saw Trip Tales at the library recently, it just sort of jumped right off the shelf and into her book bag. You know how some books do that, right? I’ll let Mom tell you more (quotes from the book):

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‘The Liar in the Library’: Omelet for Who?

The Liar in the Library

By: Simon Brett

Published by: Severn House Publishers LTD, Surrey, England, 2017

Genre: Fiction – Crime Fiction/Humor/Golden Age of Crime Fiction/Spoof

Pages: 183

Via: Library

Summary:

When a West Sussex retiree accepts an invitation from an old friend to attend an Author’s Lecture at the local library, Jude has no idea she’s about to be implicated in his subsequent murder. As evidence stacks up against her, Jude must enlist the aid of her prickly neighbor and fellow amateur sleuth, Carole Seddon. Can the two amateur sleuths solve the murder and clear Jude’s name before she winds up in the slammer?

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‘When the Day Comes’: Better Than Bacon?

When the Day Comes

By Gabrielle Meyer

Publisher: Bethany House, 2022

Genre: Historical Fiction/Christian Fiction/Romance

Pages: 364

Via: Author Request

We received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

When’s the last time you finished a book and just wanted to go, “Ahhhh”? Or in one furry case, decided the tome is almost better than bacon? Almost. (Hi, Kimber.)

Well. Gabrielle Meyer’s When the Day Comes is that kind of book. Here’s why:

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