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15+ Ways You Can Help an ICU Patient – Part 2 of 2

Someone you know has a loved one in ICU/CCU. You care. Want to help. But you’re not sure how. Here are 15+ ways you can help a patient in ICU/CCU. Based on recent experience a la Her Royal Momness and Super Dad:

  1. PRAY.
  2. VISIT IF YOU CAN. Patients often feel comforted by hearing a familiar voice and sensing your physical presence. Be sure to check with the hospital in advance regarding visiting hours and policies.
  3. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT ASK for directions to the hospital. ICU patients may not even know where they are, let alone how to get you there. Get the name and address of the hospital from someone else. Figure out how to get there on your own.
  4. COMMUNICATE with Nurses: Check in with them to understand how long to stay, what stimulation the patient can handle, and if they need anything.
  5. AVOID PLATITUDES: “Everything happens for a reason,” “Stay strong,” etc. Phrases like this can come across as dismissive or trite. Better: “You’re in our daily thoughts and prayers” or “We’re here for you.”
  6. HELP WITH PERSONAL CARE: Ask the nurse if you can comb the patient’s hair, put a cool cloth on their forehead, etc.
  7. REMIND AND REORIENT. The patient may feel confused and disoriented. Tell them the day, time, and what’s happening. Let them know how their favorite sports team is doing or what the weather is like. Keep your voice gentle and low.
  8. FOLLOW HYGIENE RULES. Wash your hands/use hand sanitizer before entering and leaving their room. Every. Time. Gown and glove up as directed. Avoid touching equipment.
  9. AVOID inanities like “Get well soon” or “best wishes for a speedy recovery.” There’s no such thing as a “speedy recovery” vis-a-vis ICU. Better: “We’re pulling for you!” or “Hope you feel better and get stronger every day.”
  10. DO NOT SEND FLOWERS. Most hospitals won’t allow flowers in the ICU due to infection risks (pollen, mold, bacteria). Save the bouquets for later. Consider simple gifts instead: puzzles, books, soft blankets (check hospital policy), or non-food items that aren’t strong-smelling. Always call the hospital first.
  11. HOLDING the patient’s hand or providing a gentle touch can be very reassuring. Check with the nurses first.
  12. If the patient is SEDATED, TALK TO THEM anyway. Per ICU nurses, the patient can hear when under sedation. They just can’t respond. A calm, familiar voice can be immensely comforting and reassuring. Super Dad can recall hearing snippets of conversation while sedated. Also bits and pieces from the books I brought to read aloud (“Inkheart” by Cornelia Funke. In case you’re wondering. And “Henry V.” Nobody’s perfect).
  13. SUPPORT the Patient by supporting their Family: Food, coffee, small gift or gas cards can be very helpful.
  14. Speaking of which, GIFT CARDS for the hospital cafeteria are terrif! On-site cafeterias are hugely convenient, enabling the patient’s fam to grab a snack or meal without leaving the hospital campus. The food is usually very good. It’s also very expensive. (A piping hot bowl of tomato basil soup wasn’t exactly what Mom had planned for Christmas Day. But it hit the spot nonetheless.)
  15. OFFER to do chores for the patient’s household (collect mail, groceries, lawn, etc.).
  16. PLEASE REFRAIN from discussing or referencing future plans, activities or events until/unless the patient indicates an interest in same. Events or plans that are weeks or months down the road are unfathomable and may feel overwhelming to someone who’s critically ill. Remember: One. Day. At. A. Time.
Ugh

ALSO:
Remember to thank the NURSING STAFF. These highly skilled professionals are amazing‼️💯 Yea, nurses! 👏👏👏

WHEN SOMEONE says, “Let me know if you need anything,” ask, “What can you do?”

A brand new day!

FINALLY, one of the best “gifts” you can give an ICU patient is time. Don’t be in a hurry. Don’t expect them to “bounce back” or return to “normal” schedules or activities any time soon. They’ve just been thru the wringer. ICU is a traumatic experience. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Getting back to “normal” can take weeks or months. Or more. So don’t rush them. Give them the time and space they need to recover. Heal. Decompress. In every respect. On their timetable. Not yours.

Capiche?

Me and Super Dad!

For companion commentary, see prior post: 12+ ICU Dos and Dont’s.

Nothing in this post should be construed as medical advice. Always consult your doctor.

***

When will we get back to book blogging? Good question! No idea. But we’ve got some ideas in the pipeline. In case you’re wondering, Buttercup. So thanks for your patience. We appreciate every kind word and note of encouragement. You’re PAWsome!


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12+ ICU Dos and Dont’s – Part 1 of 2

Kimber here. Letting you know that Super Dad is out of ICU. And that nasty hospital place. Ninety miles from home. And ME!  The nerve! (For background, see January 1 post.)

So we’re taking a U-turn on the blog today. Hope you don’t mind, Sweet Cakes. And if you do? Tough bouncies, Toots. Cuz Super Dad and Her Royal Momness have been away for four weeks. Four. Weeks. Eleven days in that nasty hospital place for Dad: Acute Hypoxic Respiratory Failure and Aspiration Pneumonia. And a bunch of other yucky stuff. It meant  eight days in ICU. Three days on life support. Two+ weeks of initial convalescence at my brother’s house. Nearer the hospital. Not that I was counting or anything.

Never fear! Yours Truly is on the job, taking care of Super Dad.

They’ve been away since December 22! Missed Christmas completely. They say coming home to a houseful of Christmas decorations and unopened gifts on January 17 was “very weird.” But Dorothy Gale got it right: “There’s no place like home!” (I don’t know what the big deal is about Dorothy. We all know Toto was the brains of that outfit.)

Anyway, we’re gonna do Part I of what the hoo-mans learned from that hospital experience thingy. Throwin’ this is in for free. Stay tuned for Part 2 later. Here goes:

12+ ICU DOS and DONT’S. Based on recent experience. Consider it a Public Service Announcement:

***

“He’s in ICU.” Three words no one wants to hear. But when you know someone who has, what can you do? How can you help a close friend or loved one who’s just heard those words?

Here are some tips, suggestions and 12+ Dos and Don’ts on how you can help someone with a family member in or recently discharged from ICU/CCU:

FIRST, the patient’s family is probably in shock. No one plans to wind up in ICU.

So DON’T PRESS FOR DETAILS OR UPDATES. They’ve just walked into a war zone. They may not know which end is up, let alone how to communicate same. They may not have all the details on their loved one’s condition, diagnosis, or prognosis. Or be in a place where they can process that info. Be patient. Get updates from others or a family spox if you can.

Additionally, admission to ICU/CCU can be SUDDEN AND UNEXPECTED. Family members may arrive at the hospital with nothing but the clothes on their back. Can you grab or get some personal belongings to them? A change of clothes? Reading glasses? Soap? Shampoo? Lotion? Toothpaste and toothbrush, etc.

Offer to MANAGE LOGISTICS if you can. Be the point person to update other friends/family. With their approval, set up a Private Facebook group as a central repository of information to avoid duplicating effort (exhausting and time-consuming). Help arrange visitor rotations so family members can rest.

⭐️Here are some additional Dos and Don’ts for family members with a loved one in ICU/CCU: ⭐️

DO:

  1. PRAY. First and foremost. If you’re not sure how or where to start, check out Samaritan’s Purse or the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association (Google is your friend.)
  2. DO VISIT IF YOU CAN. Your presence is a huge gift to those with a loved one who’s critically ill. Be sure to check with the hospital in advance regarding visiting hours and policies. Your calm presence can be very comforting.
  3. DO ‘GO GREYHOUND’. If you can get family members to and from the ICU for visits, offer to drive. Be on time.
  4. DO OFFER TO PICK UP up any necessary medical supplies. So the family has one less thing to worry about logistically.
  5. DO COMPILE A CARE PACKAGE for when the patient is discharged. Include appropriate items as indicated/needed like anti-bacterial wipes, a box of tissue, herbal teas. Lysol spray disinfectant. Honey. O.J. A roll or two of Life Savers. Lip balm. Soothing lotions, a cozy blanket or warm socks, etc.
  6. DO BUY THEM A GAS CARD.
  7. DO CONSIDER A GIFT SUBSCRIPTION to Netflix or Apple TV, etc. (Tip: Formula 1 racing a la Netflix’s “Drive to Survive” is addictive. Just sayin’.)
  8. DO OFFER TO WALK THEIR DOG. Hellllloooo?
  9. DO COOK AND DELIVER meals, with their approval. Focus on healthy, nutritious meals with lean protein (poultry. fish, legumes) and fresh produce. Bring food in disposable containers they don’t need to wash or return. Label and date each item so they’re easily identifiable when grabbing them out of the fridge/freezer.
  10. IF THEY’RE A READER, DO consider an Audible subscription or some audio books from the library.
  11. DO send a GET WELL CARD. A real one. Like, paper.

DON’T
1. DO NOT CALL. Those with a loved one in ICU are running on fumes and adrenaline. A phone call can be intrusive and disorienting, esp. if it comes when they’re in conference with a provider or other medical professional. They’ll call when they’re able. Message, email or text instead. End your texts/messsges with “no need to respond” to give them space and room to decompress.

  1. DON’T EXPECT quick responses to communiques. Or chit-chat. Per the above, those with a critically ill loved one are EXHAUSTED. They may not have the energy to converse. Just be there. Sitting with them quietly or offering a hug is huge.
  2. DON’T say “Call if you need anything.” Newsflash: Most people won’t. Those with seriously ill loved ones are under intense stress. They may feel overwhelmed. Hit by a tsunami. Don’t add to that by expecting them to call you with a list. Besides. They may not even know what they “need.” Their whole world has imploded. Been reduced to 3 letters: ICU. So take the initiative. Think of what YOU’D want. Google. Check with nurses. Go Nike. And just do it.
  3. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY if someone with a loved one in ICU doesn’t return your call or respond to a message right away. They’re not being rude. They’re prioritizing.
  4. DON’T say “KEEP ME POSTED” or “Keep me updated.” That puts the ball back into the family’s court. Hellllo? Their plate is full. They don’t need anything else. So kindly don’t ask for or expect individual updates. See “Don’t press for details” and “Manage Logistics” above.

FINALLY:
➡️ The REAL WORK of recovery begins AFTER hospital discharge. It can be draining + exhausting for both patient and caregiver (family).

You can help by offering to “spell” the home caregiver so they can grab a shower, some fresh air, or a nap. Give them a break so they can recharge their batteries.

BTW. Chocolate can work wonders. Just sayin’. 😎 – Mom

For companion commentary, keep an eye out for 15+ Ways You Can Help an ICU Patient. Coming soon.

Disclaimer: Nothing in this post should be construed as medical advice. Always consult your doctor.


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10 Warm & Wonderful Dog Books For Wet Weather (Or Anytime)

I don’t know about your neck of the dog run, but here in the Northwest it’s been pouring rain for so long, I may be sprouting gills.

Not that I mind, mind you. Mom says this is great reading weather. Something about curling up by the fire with a good book. I don’t really get it. I just like sitting in her lap while she turns pages. And tells me what a “good dog” I am.

As if I didn’t know that already.

Anyway, here are 10+ top picks fur wet weather. (That’s not a typo.) These books are brisk and engaging. With good solid story lines. Lots of adventure. As much “flavor” and “texture” as those beef broth and steak treat thingies Mom makes. And of course sparkling canine personalities. Like mine. You’ll enjoy these even if you’re a feline fan. (Yech! Can’t believe I just said that.):

  1. The Black Dogs Project: Extraordinary Black Dogs and Why We Can’t Forget Them. Photography by Fred Levy.  Poignant personal narratives combined with stunning photography of some of the most beautiful canines on the planet! (You might detect a slight bias here. See photo, above.)

2. Dog On It: A Chet and Bernie Mystery– Spencer Quinn. (Told from the dog’s point of view) A good ‘ole fashioned “whodunit” mystery with a dog who’s way smarter than Bernie, his crime-solving human. Laugh out loud funny in places.

3. Where the Red Fern Grows – Wilson Rawls. Old Dan. Li’l Ann. A young boy growing up in the Ozarks and sacrificial love. Bring tissue.

4. Winterdance: The Fine Madness of Running the Iditarod – Gary Paulsen. Told in the first person. You can almost smell the cold and feel the snow crunch!

5. The Empty City (Survivors #1) – Erin Hunter. Lucky is a golden-haired mutt with a nose for survival. He’s always been a loner, relying on his instincts to get by. Then the Big Growl strikes. Suddenly the ground is split wide open. The Trap House is destroyed. And all the longpaws have disappeared. Is it time to find a Pack?

6. The Journey Back – Priscilla Cummings. #2 in the Red Kayak series. Not strictly a dog book. But Digger’s daring escape from a juvenile detention facility includes hijacking a tractor trailer, “borrowing” a bicycle, stealing a canoe, and befriending a stray mutt who becomes Digger’s best friend.

7. Puppies, Dogs, and Blue Northers – Gary Paulsen. Minnesota author and dog musher Gary Paulsen reflects on the growth of his sled dogs as he and his animals discover the world around them.

8. Izzy & Lenore: Two Dogs, An Unexpected Journey, and Me (Jon Katz)

A story of faithful love, unswerving devotion, and understanding without words, Izzy & Lenore: Two Dogs, An Unexpected Journey, and Me effervesces like a bottle of Cristal Brut Methusalah.

An abandoned, half-feral border collie reluctantly taken in by author Jon Katz, Izzy becomes a hospice dog. Somehow Izzy learns what can’t be taught: how to help the dying leave this world with dignity – “Oh! A dog! Where on earth did you come from, you handsome thing?” – and how to best comfort those left behind.

Lenore – from the Edgar Allen Poe poem – is a “portable happiness generator.” “The UPS driver threatened to steal her,” says Katz. Big hearted and good natured, Lenore can pierce the armor of the hardest heart. As Katz battles a deep depression and phantoms from his past, the rambunctious Lab pup gently reminds him why he wanted to work with animals in the first place.

9.  The Dog Who Was There (Ron Morasco).

Set in first century Jerusalem,  The Dog Who Was There is a heart-warming, surprising story about a little dog, Barley (that’s not a typo), and a Teacher from Galilee. This wonderful story is soaked in loss, loyalty, sadness, promise, and Great Joy. I’ve never read anything quite like it. You won’t want to miss this one.

And of course:

10. Forever, Eve: The True Story of a “Cast-Off” Dog Who Never Stopped Loving

Wait. Is that a patch of blue overhead?


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Which is Better: Book or Movie?

“Kimber, what do you think is better? Book or movie?”

Depends, says I, Kimber the Magnificent. Usually on whether we’re reading or watching before or after dinner. Lemme backtrack for a min and explain-ish.

Book Memories

Her Momness has been skipping down Memory Lane via books for much of the summer.  She’s re-visited a ton and a half of old favorites. See: The Dog Days and Children’s Classics.

Poppins?

The other day Mom re-read Mary Poppins, by P.L. Travers. Just a few days after watching the Disney movie with Julie Andres and Dick Van Dyke. Having read and watched both versions within a few days of each other, Her Momness was somewhat astonished. At how far apart they are.

Granted, there are things you can and can’t do on the silver screen that you can do in a book. Some book scenes just don’t translate well onto film. But in the case of Mary Poppins The Book vs. Mary Poppins the Movie, the two are almost oceans apart. (We loved Saving Mr. Banks, thank you very much.)

Here are some select examples from Mom:

Continue reading →


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Why Visiting a Library is Like Coming Home

Kimber here. With a question: Where do your best friends live?

The Book Place

Some of our BFFs live at The Book Place. Where they have row after row of books! All lined up on shelves, just waiting to be checked out and read Also…. Oh. Wait. Mom is butting in again. So I’ll let her tell you more and give you some additional background:

Mom: There’s something inspirational about a library.  Being in the massed presence of so many authors is like snuggling under a cozy quilt on a snowy day.  It’s like Christmas, Independence Day and the First Day of Summer all rolled into one.

Continue reading →


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Works Every Time

Okay. We admit it. One of us is totally blown away by the blog meisters who crank out four or five posts a week (Hi, Mom). Even worse: those who post on a daily basis.

We’ll admit it again: One of us is a teensy-weensy bit envious. (Hi again Mom.)

How do these folks manage it? And manage to churn out interesting, informative, engaging and otherwise superlative posts day after day, week after week?

Where do they find the time? Where do they get ideas? When do they sleep? Do they own a cat? (We also admit to some serious canine bias here, but that’s another story.)

We admire these folks. Their dedication. Their discipline. Their lack of a life outside the blogosphere?

It’s amazing.

A decision

We made a decision awhile back. In case you haven’t already noticed, we decided not to be one of them. Unless it comes naturally. Flows like clear water over a precipice. Warm honey out of a jar. Common sense out of political candidates. Well, you know what we mean.

And something amazing happened. The less we stressed about blogging, the easier it became. (Okay, so one of us is easily amazed :)

Not that we don’t plow into writer’s block now and then. That little curmudgeon seems to be the bane of all writers at least now and then. But we don’t stress about it.

When the words don’t come – and sometimes they don’t – we bail. Go for a walk. Eat pizza. Pick daisies. Watch Lucy and Ethel. Count stars. Call Mom’s sister 14 states away. Listen to Puccini arias. (Yes, really.)

Instead of forcing it, we disconnect. Switch gears. Do something different. If Mom’s really desperate, she bakes.

Give yourself a breather

Know what? The muse returns. She may be “MIA” for a day, for weeks or for longer, but given time, the creative little sprite comes back. (When she does, we usually can’t get her to shut up.)

Taking a breather from writing can be like swapping out a dead battery for a fresh one. There’s no sense trying to work off a battery with no juice. Call that horse dead and find a new one. Give yourself a break. A chance to “power down” and recharge. It may seem counter-productive. But the renewed energy and vitality are worth it.

So if the writing muse has skipped town on you, be patient. Disconnect. Switch gears. Do something different. Take time to recharge. (We wouldn’t necessarily recommend baking, but whatever works.) If you’re a writer, the muse will return.

Works every time

One last thing. When writer’s block hits, read. Really. Put down your pen. Lock up your keyboard. Pick up a book and dive in.

There’s nothing like nestling behind a good book with a great story – or even a mediocre one – to tempt the muse into returning. We can’t explain it. We just know it works. Every time. Kinda like dessert.

What do you do to overcome writer’s block?

***

If you’re struggling with writer’s block, here are some great reads to recharge the ‘ole batteries. These aren’t how-tos. They’re just fun and engaging.

Inkheart – Cornelia Funke

The Book of Story Beginnings – Kristin Kladstrup

The Road to Grace – Richard Paul Evans

What books can you recommend?


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12 Indie Authors To Keep An Eye On

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and... Oh, wait. Wrong season. Silly Mom. Never fear. For I, Kimber the Magnificent, shall get us back on track with our latest stroke of blogging brilliance. Hey. It’s what I do! (Well. Mom helped. A little.)



Anyway, you know Austen, C.S. Lewis, Hugo, Dickens and Dostoevsky. You know Dr. Seuss. E B. White. Charles Schultz (Some of Mom’s faves. Go figure).

The Biggies.

But guess what, Cookie? These big names aren’t the only hoomans who can fill a book with something worth reading. Or engage. Entertain. Inspire and elucidate. (Kimmi: No idea what that last one means. Mom’s idea. And you know She Who Must Be Obeyed, right?)

Favorites

Well. These “big” hoomans are all good reads. But guess what again? Some of our favorite authors are indie authors. They may not be :biggies” or household names. Yet. But Her Momness and I decided to highlight some indie authors. Cuz even though their names may not rhyme with Suzanne Collins or J.K. Rowling, they are still uber talented. And worth reading. (The Kimster: I wanted to give them all a one year subscription to the Steak of the Month Club. But I kinda got over-ruled on that one. Nobody’s perfect.)

You’ll want to keep an eye on all of these authors. Several have new books out or are working on new titles. So here, in no particular order, are 12 indie authors you really oughtta get to know. Cuz we say so again:

Continue reading →


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A “Bite-Sized’ Summer?

Revisited from last year because it just seems to fit:

‘It’s summer time, summer time. Sum-sum, summer time!’

School’s out. Finally says Mom. Summer sure took her time getting here, eh? She gimped onto the calendar with the alacrity of a crippled snail. Even so, as every cell of our beings opens to the long-lost sun, drinking in a taste of summer, we’re celebrating. Sort of.

Why? Well, have you noticed? Summer is a con artist.

After the ninety-miles-an-hour-with-your-hair/fur-on-fire frenetic pace of the school year, summer cons us into thinking we’re in for a “break.” “Slow down,” she coos, “kick back. Rest up. Wind down. After all, it’s summer!”

Warm weather whirlwind?

Well, maybe in an alternate universe,sniffs Her Momness. Then how come summer is often as jam-packed and crazy as the rest of the year? It’s just a different kind of crazy. Calendar still fill. Planners book up. The only difference seems to be the weather and venue – at home or on the beach, desert, mountain peak, park, library, baseball diamonds or pool – other than the school campus. For a lot of people, particularly families, summer is just another word for “warm weather whirlwind.”

Mom used to lean into summer with the noblest of intentions: Dive into multiple Summer Reading programs. Polish a coupla dozen blog posts. Read nine million books. Draft a zillion book reviews.

That lasts for maybe a week or two, until summer hits full-throttle and that “have so much time now” illusion evaporates into a moist mirage.

Manageable and bite-sized

Someone suggested a summer goal of setting aside two hours a day to write. Realizing that summer is a charmer, a warm-weather chimera, Mom just laughed. And poked along at my own pace: devoting twenty minutes a day to write uninterrupted. It’s not as impressive as two hours, but it’s manageable. Realistic. Bite-sized.

Know what? asketh Her Momness. She found that if she focuses on a bite-sized goal and keep at it, she gets it. Know what else? Twenty minutes can easily tumble into 40 or 60 or 90 or more.

What bite-sized writing goals have you set for this summer?


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GUEST POST: Why Book Covers Are So Important

Today’s guest post is by Robert and Mildred Marshall, author and narrator of the I’ve Got This: A Love Story (Lucid Books, March 2025).

More on that in a min. So kindly keep your shirt on, Cookie. First, let’s hear what the Marshall have to say about why book covers matter:

Continue reading →


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The Kimster Explains ‘She Who Must Be Obeyed’

Greetings Lovable Bookwormish Buds!Kimber the Magnificent here. Saying yepster, we hear ya. That is, we hear the hoomans who are scratching their heads over a phrase we sometimes deploy referring to Her Momness: She Who Must Be Obeyed. Ever heard that? Wondered where it came from?

‘I am too a lap dog! Am too! Am TOO! AM TOO!’
Kimber Explains
Not to fret or fluff, friend. Cuz The All Knowing Kimster is here to ‘splain everything. Kind of.
First thing ya may want to know about She Who Must Be Obeyed is yes, it’s bookish in origin. Second, it’s not original with us. See, we kinda like stole the phrase from British barrister and author John Mortimer.
Name doesn’t ring a bell? Not to worry. Cuz I, The All Knowing Kimster, shall ‘splain. Like this:
Rumpole!
John Mortimer passed away in 2009. But he was one cool cat… er… canine! Mortimer was a British barrister, dramatist, screenwriter and author. He’s best known for short stories about a barrister named Horace Rumpole. Which we like, Totally Love. The books were adapted for the TV series Rumpole of the Bailey, also written by Mortimer. Leo McKern stars as the cunning and witty Rumpole.

Broadcast on ITV between 3 April 1978 and 3 December 1992, ‘Rumpole Of The Bailey’ is a thoroughly entertaining British series about Horace Rumpole, a middle-aged London barrister who defends a broad variety of clients, often underdogs. (We love underdogs, too. Go figure.)
The ‘Bailey’ is a reference to the Central Criminal Court Of England And Wales. It’s commonly referred to as the ‘Old Bailey’, after the street on which it stands, a criminal court building in central London.
Betcha didn’t know that.

Hilda
So, what does this Rumpole dude have to do with She Who Must Be Obeyed? you ask. Well. If you’ve read the book(s) or seen the TV series, you already know the answer to that: Hilda Rumpole. Aka: Mrs. Rumpole. She Who Must Be Obeyed is Horace’s humorous nickname for Hilda.
Yea, verily. Hilda Rumpole is not to be trifled with. Cranky and curmudgeonly, she’s a veritable force of nature. Underneath her crusty exterior beats a soft little bunny heart. Just don’t tell anyone, okay?
You gonna eat that? What?
***
Have you seen or read Rumpole?