Shhh! Mom’s snoozing. So it’s just us, okay?

Can we talk? Like, about book reviews? Cuz Mom and I are getting flooded with requests for book reviews. We love it! But we also want to be efficient. So we decided to set and clarify some basic ground rules for our book reviews. Here they are:

8 Rules & FYIs You Need to Know Before Submitting Your Request for a P&P Book Review:

1. We review both fiction and nonfiction titles in which we have an interest, rated G to PG-13. We do not have the time or interest in reading books with other ratings.
2. We reserve the right to accept or decline any request for a review for any reason, without explanation. Our blog. Our rules. Period.
3. Net Galley. If you haven’t already listed your magnum opus on NG, please look into it. This and hard copy are our first choice for reading ARCs. (We may or may not review PDFs. Please see below.)
4. We do not typically review PDFs over 200 pages. We may make occasional exceptions. But only if you ask Real Nice or bribe us with crispy bacon.
5. Don’t push or nag. Our TBR/reviewed list is a mile long. If Mom says she’ll get to your book, she’ll get to your book. Unless you tick her off by nagging. In that case, your book will most likely wind up in the kitty litter box. At the bottom. So please be patient.
6. Our review of your book/ARC may or may not be featured as a stand-alone post. Sometimes we combine. No special reasons. Just easier that way.
7. We do honest reviews here. If we love your book, we’ll say so. If we hate your book, we’ll say so. We don’t and won’t promise a positive review. We’ve panned Pulitzer Prize winners and heaped praise on unknown indie authors. You just never know. So don’t say we didn’t warn you, okay? (And don’t gripe about a negative review. Authors who do this sound like the Wah-Wah “adult” in Peanuts.)
8. Posts are usually written and scheduled for auto-launch on a future date, sometimes far in advance. Like weeks. Or more. Mom will let you know the date our review of your book will go live. We expect you to keep track of the date yourself. We do not send links. So please don’t ask.

A Note from Her Crankiness

We do not automatically accept or respond to every request for a book review. We pick and choose. We reserve the right to decline any submission, for any reason. See Rule #2, above.

If we accept your request, kindly realize that we’re doin’ you a favor. A big one. Like, reading your book and then writing a review, unpaid. You know, like, for free. So Don’t. Tick. Us. Off.

How to Not Tick Us Off – 7 Dos & Don’ts:

• Don’t run out a laundry list of demands as to when or how you want us to post a review. We’ll ignore it.
• Don’t send us links that don’t work.
• Don’t misspell our names. Don’t call us “Cinder” or “Katherine,” okay? If you do that, authoroo, you’re telling us two things right off the bat: 1) You’re not a serious writer, and 2) You’re not paying attention. To the round file you go!
• Don’t send us a manuscript riddled with spelling errors and lousy grammar. If you don’t care enough about your magnum opus to polish it up and get it error-free, don’t expect us to care enough to read it. Savvy?
• Do say “please” and “thank you.” Mom likes that especially.
• Do provide a working email where we can reach you if necessary.
• Do look into listing your book on Net Galley or send hard copy rather than PDFs. See Rule #3, above. (Sending a hard copy ARC does not guarantee a positive review. In case ya missed that the first time.)

One more thing. Indie and self-published authors are welcome here. But please don’t send us “See Spot. See Spot run.” We don’t have time for that crap.

For more, visit our Rating System page.

Are we good here? Great!

Keep those requests coming. We’ll do our best to keep up with the flood. Ciao!

XXOO,

Kimber