A very wise person once said Life, “Time is like a penny. You can spend it anyway you want. But you can only spend it once.”

Which brings us today’s DNF List. Way we see it, life’s too short to spend time on lousy books. Like, who wants to waste their time on sludge? Skunkers and clunkers? Especially when there are so many other good books around. So we don’t bat an eye at chucking a book into our DNF pile. (For more, see 4 Reasons Why We’re World Champion ‘Book Bailers.’)

Complete Wastes of Time

So here’s the latest Mom and Kimber Official DNF List. We ploughed through these stinkers so you don’t have to. In no particular order:

DNF List 8.0

We All Live Here – Jojo Moyes

You know how you love a book so much that you’re on the lookout for the author’s next title? Then you get it. Dive in. And grab the nearest barf bag.

That’s what happened with this dud-o-rama.

Grabbed it off a library shelf the other day cuz we super loved Moyes’ The Giver of Stars. But this hunka junk? Just wanted to slap some sense into these lifeless, colorless and banal characters who can’t seem to figure out which end is up. And think looking for “love” in all the wrong places will solve everything.

It doesn’t. Duh.

And Lila Kennedy’s BFF, Eleanor? Give. Me. A. Break. Ridiculous on turbo boost.

Gritted our teeth thru about 150 pages before bailing out. Life’s too short to have this sort of junk renting space in our heads.  Besides. We ran out of mental Lysol. So ciao, babies! And don’t let the door hitcha on your way out.

Off the Books – Soma Mei Sheng Frazier

This debut “coming of age novel” about a cross-country road trip is getting some rave reviews elsewhere. Which doesn’t means beans to us. Unless you want to hop on for a one-way trip to dull-as-a-blunt-spoonsville.

Union Station – David Downing.

Did you bring a book with you during your last mad dash to the ER? Her Momness did. This one.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

In all fairness, facing down a loved one’s emergency medical issue doth not a great context for reading make. Too many bad associations. So Mom just quietly returned this title to the library a few days and 50 pages later. (ER patient His Royal Dadness is okay, thank you very much.)

The Cobbler’s Crusaders – Rick Steigelman. Link not available.

Got a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

A nine year old American girl is visiting her Grand-mere in Paris. Young Jacquelyn Pajot is itching to see the sights, especially the Effiel Tower. But Grand-mere is intent on dragging the girl to Mass every day. Ditto hair appointments and knitting lessons.

When Jacquelyn meets two local girls, Genevieve and Nicolette, they set out to discover Paris sans adult supervision.

What could possibly go wrong?

We could not get into this book. Tried and tried. Just didn’t connect. It struck us as snooty. Like when Jacquelyn is served a glass of warm milk at a Parisan cafe – apparently warm milk is a French thing- followed by jabs at Americans and American culture. Zzzzzz.

And that can-can stuff at the Moulin Rouge? Really? It’s a lot of noise and a lot of splash but doesn’t really go anywhere. Like this book. Bailed out around page 70. Buh-bye!

The Badger Chronicles: Secrets of the Whispering Woods – Martin Newbold

Want to get on our bad side in two seconds flat (or less)? Misrepresent your work. Like listing your book’s length at “0-1000 words” when it’s almost 200 pages. Like this overwritten morass of redundancy and repetition.

Got through about 90 pages thru sheer force of will and gritted teeth. Then we ran out of will. And teeth. ‘Sides. We have better things to do than plow through a dull as dirt “forest fable” that goes round and round in circles for pages and pages. And me without my trail of bread crumbs.

What title topped your most recent DNF List?