Dreamland

By Nicholas Sparks (Random House, 2022)

Pages: 360

Genre: Fiction

Via: Library Book Sale

“So who are you and what have you done with Nicholas Sparks?” Her Momness asketh the other day. I’m pretty sure it’s a “rhetorical question.” Not sure what that means. Except that Mom’s been reading Nicholas Sparks since just after the discovery of fire. And apparently she was, shall we say, less than impressed with this tome? Here’s why:

Colby Mills is a farmer dude. After losing his parents at an early age, Colby and his big sis Paige move in with the Aunt Agnes and Uncle Whoever on the family farm in North Carolina. Colby dreams of a musical career. He’s like a songwriter/singer musician-ish guy. But the demands of the family farm are all-consuming. So, bye-bye dreams of a career in music.

Seeking a rare break from his duties at home, Colby heads to the foreign country of Florida for a vacay. He’s got a playing gig at some bar there. While in the Sunshine State, Colby meets Morgan Lee. She’s just graduated from a Big Wow college with a major in vocal performance. She has like a bazillion followers on social media with her music and dance performances. (Insert eye roll here.) And Morgan plans to head to Nashville and become A Star. (Insert another eye… Oh, never mind.)

Helen Keller could see where this is going. So, ho-hum.

But wait. It gets more soap opera-y.

Say WHAT?

Then there’s Beverly. She shows up out of the blue in Part II. On the run from an abusive husband who works for Homeland Security, she escapes with her six year old son, Tommie, and flees to the middle of nowhere.

Huh???

At this point, I was like, huh? What happened to Colby and Morgan and St. Pete’s Beach? Who’s Beverly and why is she jumping into the story out of the blue? It’s not explained. The shift in action, setting, character and POV is enough to give ya whiplash.

Jarring

Then we shift back to Colby and Morgan. Then back to Beverly and Tommie and hubby Gary. Then Colby and Morgan. Then back to… Well. Let’s just say if bookish ping-pong was an Olympic sport, Dreamland would win gold. It’s disjointed. Jarring. And moves in super slo mo.

Wake me when it’s over.

Falls Flat

There’ no tie-in to the falling-head-over-heels-in-love couple in Florida and Beverly until the last coupla chapters. By then, I so don’t care. (Spoiler: Turns out “Beverly” is actually Colby’s sister, Paige. Paige is bipolar. Off her meds as a result of rushing to the hospital per her Aunt Agnes’ stroke. As a result, Paige has a psychotic episode. Total break from reality. Thinks her husband is after her and her son. Truth is, both Gary and Tommie were killed in a tragic car crash years ago. There. Just save you about 350 pages.)

Brittle and Artificial

This book was a huge disappointment. It’s like Sparks wanted to write a story featuring a bipolar character and tried to wedge in a manufactured “romance” on the side. It doesn’t work. The characters are brittle and predictable. The emotion feels manufactured. As artificial as a boatload of Splenda. The plot is clunky. Wooden. It’s also all over the place. Bounces around like Desi Arnaz on the conga drum belting out Babalu. Only without the rhythm. And the drum.

Dreamland is not only rambling and meandering, its jumpy and jerky. Makes one of us want to grab the nearest piece of chalk and start a game of hop-scotch. Or stock up on Dramamine. Ditto the nearest bottle of No Doze. Cuz this sucker’s sea-sick and straight out of Snoozeville.

We expected better from an author of Sparks’ caliber.

Our Rating: 1.5

(Only cuz one of us is feelin’ generous today.)

 

 

 

 

 

Hop scotch image credit: public domain